every girl/woman has a dream, that one day her prince charming, the guy/man who makes her feel like there is no problem too big in this world as long as he is by her side to hold her hand while she walk through that part of her life.
today i went to a wedding that was exactly that...PERFECT...Now am not one to attend weddings or social functions for tha matter but today father was going as well-so it was mandatory for me to attend as well..
dressed to impress, i went all smiley and cheery as can be...the venue was splendid..out doors, slight drizzle, tents, candles..reminded me of how it was being in love all over again...
i was ready to weep...i had always thought that one day i would be the beautiful bride, with all my family around me, all just happy...
today i felt what it what like to not be part of something beautiful, because even as i was there, all i could think of was WHAT DID SHE DO RIGHT THAT I DID WRONG??
my heart is weeping, my mind faltering, all i want to do is run into your arms, but then i realise that you're not there any more...you're but a part of my beautiful dream which will probably remain that way for i want not to try again...all i want to do is feel safe with you...knowing that one day, i will be that bride, and every body will be looking at us and saying how perfect we are for each other...
all i want is YOU..
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
of being muhindi and from another planet apparently
so it all boils down to one thing..being the color of choice...am not really talking of racism here but well maybe I am..in the sense that, why is it that just coz i am an Indian (muhindi) in Kenya, it means that i apparently am rich, spoilt, can't take a mat (that's public transport here in our part of the world), get whatever i want when i want and you only contact me when u need money but it never crosses your mind to give it back...oh yeah and not forgetting that you apparently think i'm, blessed with brains that need no studying :s
so here's the real deal...yeah my dad is a business man and yeah he makes a decent living but my mum, bro and i work as well and that is how we manage to sustain the household...just coz am dropped in the morning and not boarding at school doesn't mean am spoilt-it means that since i live within the vicinity of school (ok not that much due to the road constructions) why should i spent another 30grand sharing a room with 6 other girls and 2 bathrooms that are barely cleaned once a week where as I can comfortably commute from my residence...and I do take public transport on my way back home...my dad didn't buy me a car as most of u would like to assume :s
oh yes and about me getting what i want-oh my how wrong u are...do u know indian fathers??? salale....u get a lecture before u get anything from them about how they came into this country with nothing but the clothes on their back and how they had to struggle thru the british rule and all that jargon...and instead of giving u the 1000bob that u asked for u end up getting 100bob (10 times less) coz of the rising cost of living and all the other jargon that he gives u...u want that cash u gotta earn it else u can saty happily broke...i mean seriously, washing cars was the job on suday to get abit of cash...so i know how hard it is to get money....and am definitely not spoilt coz when it comes to i really like this the 1st question i always get asked is IS IT A WANT OR A NEED...and since it's usually a want...ehhhmmm i never get it unless i have the cash to buy it for myself...this reminds me of a green hat that i really wanted and well he refused to buy it...and when i went the next day it was sold so i went and bought a bad instead-which clearly wasn't a good quality one coz it's lying torn in the back of my cupboard some where coz i have no time to fix it..so clearly my wants are almost always ehhhmmm u know NONSENSICAL and hence i don't get them..i mean where would i wear a greeh hat really??? i don't even own a green top-unless i would've clashed it with my orange top...hmmmmm...
and me being blessed with brains...i wish...i think am the only muhindi not blessed with them apparently...i gotta study my bloody arse off burning the midnight oil and learning my work coz God knows why he didn't give me cramming power like the rest of my comrades...and as for mathematics...forget that was even option..till today i need a calculator-can u imagine when i wan in high school we used log books for calculations and what the hell was all that cos sin tan thingi bob...sheesh..could we not have left it to drawing the circles and triangles only??? and algebra-why the hell do i need to know what x=??? or if x=2 then y=?? seriosly how is it helping me today besides having killed my brain cells when i was younger???
so yeah back to my point...being a muhindi doesn not always mean that am all the mentioned...i work hard, study hard, party hard (atleast i used to) and am human as well...there's no difference between me and any other human being alive on this planet...i got two eyes, one nose, 2 ears, 32 teeth(though i think mine are less coz i got a few removed) and my blood is red just like yours..
oh yeah and don't mess my hair...granted it soft and all but sheesh it took me a while to get it to look that way u know...and then u go and play with it...really now :s
so the next time you see me....ehmmmmm DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE AM FROM ANOTHER PLANET....
so here's the real deal...yeah my dad is a business man and yeah he makes a decent living but my mum, bro and i work as well and that is how we manage to sustain the household...just coz am dropped in the morning and not boarding at school doesn't mean am spoilt-it means that since i live within the vicinity of school (ok not that much due to the road constructions) why should i spent another 30grand sharing a room with 6 other girls and 2 bathrooms that are barely cleaned once a week where as I can comfortably commute from my residence...and I do take public transport on my way back home...my dad didn't buy me a car as most of u would like to assume :s
oh yes and about me getting what i want-oh my how wrong u are...do u know indian fathers??? salale....u get a lecture before u get anything from them about how they came into this country with nothing but the clothes on their back and how they had to struggle thru the british rule and all that jargon...and instead of giving u the 1000bob that u asked for u end up getting 100bob (10 times less) coz of the rising cost of living and all the other jargon that he gives u...u want that cash u gotta earn it else u can saty happily broke...i mean seriously, washing cars was the job on suday to get abit of cash...so i know how hard it is to get money....and am definitely not spoilt coz when it comes to i really like this the 1st question i always get asked is IS IT A WANT OR A NEED...and since it's usually a want...ehhhmmm i never get it unless i have the cash to buy it for myself...this reminds me of a green hat that i really wanted and well he refused to buy it...and when i went the next day it was sold so i went and bought a bad instead-which clearly wasn't a good quality one coz it's lying torn in the back of my cupboard some where coz i have no time to fix it..so clearly my wants are almost always ehhhmmm u know NONSENSICAL and hence i don't get them..i mean where would i wear a greeh hat really??? i don't even own a green top-unless i would've clashed it with my orange top...hmmmmm...
and me being blessed with brains...i wish...i think am the only muhindi not blessed with them apparently...i gotta study my bloody arse off burning the midnight oil and learning my work coz God knows why he didn't give me cramming power like the rest of my comrades...and as for mathematics...forget that was even option..till today i need a calculator-can u imagine when i wan in high school we used log books for calculations and what the hell was all that cos sin tan thingi bob...sheesh..could we not have left it to drawing the circles and triangles only??? and algebra-why the hell do i need to know what x=??? or if x=2 then y=?? seriosly how is it helping me today besides having killed my brain cells when i was younger???
so yeah back to my point...being a muhindi doesn not always mean that am all the mentioned...i work hard, study hard, party hard (atleast i used to) and am human as well...there's no difference between me and any other human being alive on this planet...i got two eyes, one nose, 2 ears, 32 teeth(though i think mine are less coz i got a few removed) and my blood is red just like yours..
oh yeah and don't mess my hair...granted it soft and all but sheesh it took me a while to get it to look that way u know...and then u go and play with it...really now :s
so the next time you see me....ehmmmmm DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE AM FROM ANOTHER PLANET....
Monday, 20 June 2011
somebody be excited for me :)
soooo i've been really busy taking alot of pictures...some good some not so good and some really awesome one's and well i really wanted to share this with some one and since every one around me is so busy, i guess i'll just havta share it with my 12 followers :)
i was at the rally and i think i'm actually perfecting the art of taking good pictures..well i'll only know how good they are once i get them printed but from the negatives-i managed to get flying cars and donkeys and ppl climbing on trees and skidding cars...and well am really excited coz i managed to take pictures that look good on the negative :)
i'm hoping some body out there is as excited for me as i am for myself :)
i was at the rally and i think i'm actually perfecting the art of taking good pictures..well i'll only know how good they are once i get them printed but from the negatives-i managed to get flying cars and donkeys and ppl climbing on trees and skidding cars...and well am really excited coz i managed to take pictures that look good on the negative :)
i'm hoping some body out there is as excited for me as i am for myself :)
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Photography lesson1...don't be Jazz when using the camera :p
hahahahahhaahaha..ok so as most of you know i'm taking up photography...and well after the whole 4 hour techncality, i took the awesomest pictures i could get....
then my dad came home and well he showed me how to rewind it....only we heard a "tkkk" noise and he had broken the film :(
so camera in hand and heart in mouth i decided to go to the camera shop man coz i wanted those beautiful photos...it would take an agonising one hour to save my pictures...
one hour of roaming in the supermarket, hovering along the corridor of the camera shop....i was really excited-i mean who can blame me-i could be an award winning photgrapher hiding underneath all these layers of clothes ,skin, fat and muscle (i think more fat than muscle but that's why i don't get cold that easily)..tee hee heeeee
and exactly at the hour end i went in all gleaming and glowing..and the camera shop man looked at me and said ARE YOU SURE YOU TOOK PICTURES??? i was like huh???? i must've looked like a small kid whose lollipop got snatched...he then said..u rolled in the film quite well..it wasnt broken at all...so then why didn't the pictures come out??? eeehhhmmmm i later figured out why....COZ WHEN I GOT HOME I WAS SHOWN HOW TO PUT THE FILM-it wasnt my one hour's work at all...I DIDN'T CHECK TO SEE IF THE FILM WAS ROTATING IN THE ROLLY THINGY....hahahahahahaha...and so all my beautiful pictures are in my head and not on print...
*sigh*
then my dad came home and well he showed me how to rewind it....only we heard a "tkkk" noise and he had broken the film :(
so camera in hand and heart in mouth i decided to go to the camera shop man coz i wanted those beautiful photos...it would take an agonising one hour to save my pictures...
one hour of roaming in the supermarket, hovering along the corridor of the camera shop....i was really excited-i mean who can blame me-i could be an award winning photgrapher hiding underneath all these layers of clothes ,skin, fat and muscle (i think more fat than muscle but that's why i don't get cold that easily)..tee hee heeeee
and exactly at the hour end i went in all gleaming and glowing..and the camera shop man looked at me and said ARE YOU SURE YOU TOOK PICTURES??? i was like huh???? i must've looked like a small kid whose lollipop got snatched...he then said..u rolled in the film quite well..it wasnt broken at all...so then why didn't the pictures come out??? eeehhhmmmm i later figured out why....COZ WHEN I GOT HOME I WAS SHOWN HOW TO PUT THE FILM-it wasnt my one hour's work at all...I DIDN'T CHECK TO SEE IF THE FILM WAS ROTATING IN THE ROLLY THINGY....hahahahahahaha...and so all my beautiful pictures are in my head and not on print...
*sigh*
Sunday, 12 June 2011
photography-undigitalized(if that's even a word)
sooooo after all my venting yesterday, i finally decided to take up a new hobby and since i cannot afford to buy a new digital camera with all the lovely features that a photographer should have (not those little 6 megapixel ones-i have one and i find it completely useless in taking nice photos coz the zoom is crap) on my student allowance-that should be over in like another couple weeks...yaaay...i decided to inherit my dad's canon AV-1 without his knowledge ofcourse....hahahaahahaha...he would shoot me if he realised am taking pictures of glasses and the clouds and biskit (my dog whom he loathes coz she's an attention seeker and hence WHINES ALL THE TIME) and seeing as how he's a BP patient errrrmmm the temper goes abit haywire....
soooo back to the camera....now for those of your that dunno a canon AV-1 lemme try and describe it to u..it's a box shape gadget, with two lenses (u havta take one out to use the other obviously) and lots and lots and lots of buttons-none of which opens where u load the film...it took me like 3 hours to figure that out and even then-i hadta go online to find out how...apparently u havta pull one of the rolly things...hahahahah...
after i felt like the awesomeness of the fool that i am and finished laughing at myself, i loaded the film-errrrmmmm it took me another like hour to do that coz i couldn't make it stay on the teeth-clearly coz i didn't read the instruction that said, PUT THE EDGE OF THE FILM INTO ONE OF THE SLOTS....errrmmm yeah so after I slotted it in...EURREEEEEKKKKAAAAA..IT STAYED...
then i tried clicking....ehhhhhmmm NOTHING....and the online manual said if the film is loaded properly it should click...sooo iwent back and tried everything but it wouldn't click....frustating huh....but wittle jazzywazzy hadn't read again-it requires a battery that had clearly passed away in all the years that my dad hasn't used his camera....
so i called up my pal and asked where i could get it-he gave me an idea...and mother reckoned the battery was proli like a gazzillion shillings by now coz the camera is quite ancient...feeling a deep sense of loss in my pocket i went to the camera shop and it wasnt too bad-250 bob....so now i had a battery and a loaded camera and VOILA...it clicked....hahahahahahahaha...
so now i had 36 exposures to practise with...i started on tasneem my friend....taking her pix when she wasn't realising...the expressions were beautiful-i just dunno if i actually managed to get the right coz eeehhhmmmmm it's not digital...so i havta like finish the 36 pix take it to get developed and then only can i see the oh so lovely pictures that i have taken...
not to mention the beautiful couple portrait that Khalil and Heena posed for...i'm hoping i didn't take one of their heads off....hahahahahahaha...
oh yeah and my dog who just look at me like am crazy coz every time she's doing something foolish am busy clicking away...ad this morning i decided to take pictures of flowers and trees (trying to be very artistic and using different positions and stuff) lets see how that works out....lmaooo...i some how think that it's gonna be one comical ride thru this phase of non-digitalised photography :)
soooo back to the camera....now for those of your that dunno a canon AV-1 lemme try and describe it to u..it's a box shape gadget, with two lenses (u havta take one out to use the other obviously) and lots and lots and lots of buttons-none of which opens where u load the film...it took me like 3 hours to figure that out and even then-i hadta go online to find out how...apparently u havta pull one of the rolly things...hahahahah...
after i felt like the awesomeness of the fool that i am and finished laughing at myself, i loaded the film-errrrmmmm it took me another like hour to do that coz i couldn't make it stay on the teeth-clearly coz i didn't read the instruction that said, PUT THE EDGE OF THE FILM INTO ONE OF THE SLOTS....errrmmm yeah so after I slotted it in...EURREEEEEKKKKAAAAA..IT STAYED...
then i tried clicking....ehhhhhmmm NOTHING....and the online manual said if the film is loaded properly it should click...sooo iwent back and tried everything but it wouldn't click....frustating huh....but wittle jazzywazzy hadn't read again-it requires a battery that had clearly passed away in all the years that my dad hasn't used his camera....
so i called up my pal and asked where i could get it-he gave me an idea...and mother reckoned the battery was proli like a gazzillion shillings by now coz the camera is quite ancient...feeling a deep sense of loss in my pocket i went to the camera shop and it wasnt too bad-250 bob....so now i had a battery and a loaded camera and VOILA...it clicked....hahahahahahahaha...
so now i had 36 exposures to practise with...i started on tasneem my friend....taking her pix when she wasn't realising...the expressions were beautiful-i just dunno if i actually managed to get the right coz eeehhhmmmmm it's not digital...so i havta like finish the 36 pix take it to get developed and then only can i see the oh so lovely pictures that i have taken...
not to mention the beautiful couple portrait that Khalil and Heena posed for...i'm hoping i didn't take one of their heads off....hahahahahahaha...
oh yeah and my dog who just look at me like am crazy coz every time she's doing something foolish am busy clicking away...ad this morning i decided to take pictures of flowers and trees (trying to be very artistic and using different positions and stuff) lets see how that works out....lmaooo...i some how think that it's gonna be one comical ride thru this phase of non-digitalised photography :)
Saturday, 11 June 2011
what women want :)
i know this is cliche but hell it's true
1) a woman wants a guy who will always look at her the way he did the 1st time he saw her, dont ever change the way you look at her coz she will begin to suspect you for nothing...
2) treat her like you would on the first date...not all the time most definitely....but remind her she is special to you...
3) tell her you love her
4) tell her she is the best thing to ever happen to you
5) buy her a single rose
6) once in a while, open the door for her
7) listen to her without giving your opinion and only give one when she asks for it
8) never say you dont know when it comes to the relationship...you either wanna be with her or u dont...the i dunno makes her feel she isnt good enough for you and that u have some one else...even if u dont
9) grab her hand in public...it makes her feel wanted and she'll wanna be with you forever...refuse and she will feel like you're embarrassed of her
10) kiss her on the cheek randomly
11) whisper in her ear that she is the only one for you
12) hug her
13) cuddle jsut for fun
14) talk to her...she needs to know that you know that she is there for you whenever u need it..
15) tell her if ur having a problem...she will listen...
16) let her be part of your life without u feeling that she is intruding in your life...she only wants to be part of it coz it's yours..
17) be her best friend....most of the time, her friends aint really her friends thats why she want to talk to you all the time :)
18) believe her over any one else
19) stand up for her no matter what...even if she is wrong...then tell her when you're alone why she was wrong...
20) dont expect her to know how you're feeling...chances are she expects you to tell her if there's something wrong
21) be nice...dont get cocky with her...she needs to know you gonna be with her no matter what
22) dont talk to other women behind her back....tell her about it...she will appreciate it more and trust you more
23) dont rub her past in her face
24) accept her for who she is
25) tell her you love her
26)tell her you love her
27) tell her you love her
28) send her a msg or call her to say how much you miss her...and wanna spend time with her..
29) be excited to be with her
30) tell her you love her
1) a woman wants a guy who will always look at her the way he did the 1st time he saw her, dont ever change the way you look at her coz she will begin to suspect you for nothing...
2) treat her like you would on the first date...not all the time most definitely....but remind her she is special to you...
3) tell her you love her
4) tell her she is the best thing to ever happen to you
5) buy her a single rose
6) once in a while, open the door for her
7) listen to her without giving your opinion and only give one when she asks for it
8) never say you dont know when it comes to the relationship...you either wanna be with her or u dont...the i dunno makes her feel she isnt good enough for you and that u have some one else...even if u dont
9) grab her hand in public...it makes her feel wanted and she'll wanna be with you forever...refuse and she will feel like you're embarrassed of her
10) kiss her on the cheek randomly
11) whisper in her ear that she is the only one for you
12) hug her
13) cuddle jsut for fun
14) talk to her...she needs to know that you know that she is there for you whenever u need it..
15) tell her if ur having a problem...she will listen...
16) let her be part of your life without u feeling that she is intruding in your life...she only wants to be part of it coz it's yours..
17) be her best friend....most of the time, her friends aint really her friends thats why she want to talk to you all the time :)
18) believe her over any one else
19) stand up for her no matter what...even if she is wrong...then tell her when you're alone why she was wrong...
20) dont expect her to know how you're feeling...chances are she expects you to tell her if there's something wrong
21) be nice...dont get cocky with her...she needs to know you gonna be with her no matter what
22) dont talk to other women behind her back....tell her about it...she will appreciate it more and trust you more
23) dont rub her past in her face
24) accept her for who she is
25) tell her you love her
26)tell her you love her
27) tell her you love her
28) send her a msg or call her to say how much you miss her...and wanna spend time with her..
29) be excited to be with her
30) tell her you love her
from the other partner's perspective (mostly the woman)
sooo am writing this without a topic first...i'll think of the topic later :)
so i have realised that there is one thing i do when am stressed...its called FIGHT....and i fight with those closest to me...it's kinda sad coz uhhhmmm well that doesnt really help my situation but well i only know one other thing that helps relieve the stress and i cant get that whenever i want ;) know what i mean...
so the other day, i had an exam and it was taking forever and i started getting edgy...so i called your's truly to fight with him...oh my...i actually said i called you to fight with u...ehhhmm he wasnt impressed and well he refused to fight with me..needless to say i probably shouldn't have said that because later on that night-ehhhmmm there was a huuuugggeeee fight that am not happy about at all...
so now i think i know what i wanna write about...why is it assumed that when two ppl are in a relationship, they have to know everything about each other??? or that they have to know what to say and what not to say?? i mean i dont live with you and when you're with me, you may not be yourself until like the 2nd year or so...so whatever i have known of u is clearly not the right thing...
and also why do u think am in your head to know what's wrong or what your mood is coz of your day-if u dont wanna talk to me coz u had a bad day TELL ME SOOOOO....i'll leave u alone...and wait for u to call me...actually i won't..coz i'm a woman...i wanna know why u had a bad day...so if u dont wanna talk say I'M NOT IN THE BEST OF MOODS RIGHT NOW PLEASE CAN WE TALK LATER...i'm sure any woman would understand that..
make time for me...jsut coz i'm your gf now doesn't mean that u stop buying me flowers and taking me out to dinner...it doesnt mean u gotta stop making an effort....and it aint about how much shit you've taken from me...are we now measuring the amount that we are giving and taking in the relationship...i mean really....
the worst thing you can do to a woman is tell her how much you're doing for her..in the end she's gonna shut you out...and thats the truth coz she gonna feel that you are feeling obligated to do to things....and you will eventually lose her not because she doesnt love you, but because she feels you don't feel the same about her...
so i have realised that there is one thing i do when am stressed...its called FIGHT....and i fight with those closest to me...it's kinda sad coz uhhhmmm well that doesnt really help my situation but well i only know one other thing that helps relieve the stress and i cant get that whenever i want ;) know what i mean...
so the other day, i had an exam and it was taking forever and i started getting edgy...so i called your's truly to fight with him...oh my...i actually said i called you to fight with u...ehhhmm he wasnt impressed and well he refused to fight with me..needless to say i probably shouldn't have said that because later on that night-ehhhmmm there was a huuuugggeeee fight that am not happy about at all...
so now i think i know what i wanna write about...why is it assumed that when two ppl are in a relationship, they have to know everything about each other??? or that they have to know what to say and what not to say?? i mean i dont live with you and when you're with me, you may not be yourself until like the 2nd year or so...so whatever i have known of u is clearly not the right thing...
and also why do u think am in your head to know what's wrong or what your mood is coz of your day-if u dont wanna talk to me coz u had a bad day TELL ME SOOOOO....i'll leave u alone...and wait for u to call me...actually i won't..coz i'm a woman...i wanna know why u had a bad day...so if u dont wanna talk say I'M NOT IN THE BEST OF MOODS RIGHT NOW PLEASE CAN WE TALK LATER...i'm sure any woman would understand that..
make time for me...jsut coz i'm your gf now doesn't mean that u stop buying me flowers and taking me out to dinner...it doesnt mean u gotta stop making an effort....and it aint about how much shit you've taken from me...are we now measuring the amount that we are giving and taking in the relationship...i mean really....
the worst thing you can do to a woman is tell her how much you're doing for her..in the end she's gonna shut you out...and thats the truth coz she gonna feel that you are feeling obligated to do to things....and you will eventually lose her not because she doesnt love you, but because she feels you don't feel the same about her...
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